Intentions

Intention.  What a loaded word. 
–noun

1.  an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.

2.  the end or object intended; purpose.

Today a couple of lovelies joined me for a little cutting and pasting in the form of intention boards.  Well, in our case, intention mason jars. That may or may not have lights added later.  

Armed with scissors we began flipping through catalogs and magazines looking for images that represented things we wanted to see happen in 2011.  Cut out our images, words, and symbols with which we decoupaged into our jars.  We discussed some of these intentions aloud, or tired to.  Reinforcing our dreams and hopes. Others remained personal and silent. 

Scoop Full of Comfort!

Now I'm not the most woo woo person you'll meet.  In fact I'm at the other end of the scale, but I do believe that before we can work toward betterment we must know what that betterment is.  This could be physical items such as better shoes, or a fancy house, or a better state of mind.  As depicted in this photo of a spoon instructing "a scoop full of comfort", a pie server stating "a slice of happiness" and a cheese knife with the words "a dab of decadence".  Pretty fitting given my current state. And love of cheese.  Yesterday I mentioned to one of my new internet friends that I didn't want to waste a bunch of time being depressed.  But last week was a battle for sure. 

Traveling for Art!

I'm intending to make this week/year much better! Also on my Jar of Intention I places flowers, tomatoes, travel, and of course cheese.  A kitty, camera, Italy and France.  Birds and bikes. Simplicity, peace, love and joy.  Last but now least, art.  My intention is to survive via art. Making art, selling art, and teaching art.  And why not?  Isn't that what I was made/intended/born to do?  It sure feels that way to me.  I do struggle with the expectations of the "norms".  Such as having a bigger house, health insurance, a new fangled car, designer clothes, and the worst offender, a day job.  And I might succumb to one or two of them. But they aren't what matter to me.  Those things aren't want make me who I am.  Loved ones (not just the humans), my freedom, and the feeling that I'm making a difference to someone, make me who I am.

"Blind Date" by AnniePod Press

Art has the ability to heal, give hope, provide entertainment and of course joy.  To some this might look like a crazy print of a tom cat knocking on the door for a blind date. To me it's instant pure happiness! 

The Cold Hard Facts don't come with a Side of Sugar Coating?

Which words don't need caps in a title?  I forget.  I'll Add that to the list of things to do/ look up later. 

Day 3 week 9!  Crap, I have to keep counting the weeks.  There's got to be an app for that.

Yesterday was frustrating.  Well, just the convo with my mortgage company.  {Note to reader:  Short on time? Skip this lengthy paragraph!}  After being on hold for about 30 mins and a few transfers, I eventually got through to a "customer service" rep who sounded bored out of his skull.  He proceeded to ask me EVERY security question known to man. Finally he wanted to know if my address was a street or avenue.  Hell if I knew!  I never list it as anything other than the numbers and the street name.  He couldn't help me. Ugh. I located a piece of mail, and lo and behold it was listed as a street.  I live on a street!  Now that he's sure who he's talking to, I proceed to tell him why I've called.  I'd like to talk about my options and how my monthly unemployment doesn't cover my living expenses.  His first question was "is your intention to stay in the house?"  WTH? Would I be calling if it wasn't?  I'd like to, that's why I'm calling, i said with blatant irritation at this point.  After another 10 mins of financial questioning he informed me that I couldn't afford my house payment with my current income. I know, that's why I called, this time laughing out of ridiculousness of how this call was going.  He then said "I can offer you a pre-qualification for modification temporary workout due to missing valuation."  Huh?  "Do you agree to this?" Uhm, agree to what? I ask.  What are the terms? Will it hurt my credit?  How long will it take? How long will it last? The lovely call center worker couldn't answer any of my questions but did tell me that the process can take between 3 - 9 months, with no guarantees. WHAT? How can I agree to something that may or may not actually be anything? Really?  I finally told him to forget I called. He'll note my account as such, he said.  I sure my account is now red flagged and they'll be harassing me if I'm a second late in paying. 

The good news: For now I'm able to make my payment as long as NOTHING else changes. No sickness, or accidents, no pet disasters and the roommate keeps paying etc. I won't list all the other cost saving measures already in place. At least not today. 

The bad news: The house I love is feeling like a burden.  When I really think about how much it's costing me, and I consider my living off social security  in 20 years, i can't afford it.  I can't afford it now.  I can't afford it later.  I can't sell it.  I can't refinance it.  At some point this cute little house that I've worked so hard for, so hard on, just isn't worth it. But how do I know when that point is?  AND how do I convince my perfect credit score ego that it's ok to walk away? Is it ok?  I break out in hives if I even think I might be late for anything, even paying a bill.

So now what?  Do I just keep making art and having a good time?  I'm not willing to work for another company I don't like just to pay the bills.  It makes me feel like a hypocrite.  Not to mention the lack actual jobs available that I qualify for.

I ask again, now what?  My conclusion for today?  Put my hope in art! Live simply. Live day to day. Love the people that matter to me and work hard at what I love. Try to stay focused on the goal.  The goal? To make a living by creating.  To make a simple, happy, creative, hopeful living.  So here's to Art!  Prost!