The Cold Hard Facts don't come with a Side of Sugar Coating?

Which words don't need caps in a title?  I forget.  I'll Add that to the list of things to do/ look up later. 

Day 3 week 9!  Crap, I have to keep counting the weeks.  There's got to be an app for that.

Yesterday was frustrating.  Well, just the convo with my mortgage company.  {Note to reader:  Short on time? Skip this lengthy paragraph!}  After being on hold for about 30 mins and a few transfers, I eventually got through to a "customer service" rep who sounded bored out of his skull.  He proceeded to ask me EVERY security question known to man. Finally he wanted to know if my address was a street or avenue.  Hell if I knew!  I never list it as anything other than the numbers and the street name.  He couldn't help me. Ugh. I located a piece of mail, and lo and behold it was listed as a street.  I live on a street!  Now that he's sure who he's talking to, I proceed to tell him why I've called.  I'd like to talk about my options and how my monthly unemployment doesn't cover my living expenses.  His first question was "is your intention to stay in the house?"  WTH? Would I be calling if it wasn't?  I'd like to, that's why I'm calling, i said with blatant irritation at this point.  After another 10 mins of financial questioning he informed me that I couldn't afford my house payment with my current income. I know, that's why I called, this time laughing out of ridiculousness of how this call was going.  He then said "I can offer you a pre-qualification for modification temporary workout due to missing valuation."  Huh?  "Do you agree to this?" Uhm, agree to what? I ask.  What are the terms? Will it hurt my credit?  How long will it take? How long will it last? The lovely call center worker couldn't answer any of my questions but did tell me that the process can take between 3 - 9 months, with no guarantees. WHAT? How can I agree to something that may or may not actually be anything? Really?  I finally told him to forget I called. He'll note my account as such, he said.  I sure my account is now red flagged and they'll be harassing me if I'm a second late in paying. 

The good news: For now I'm able to make my payment as long as NOTHING else changes. No sickness, or accidents, no pet disasters and the roommate keeps paying etc. I won't list all the other cost saving measures already in place. At least not today. 

The bad news: The house I love is feeling like a burden.  When I really think about how much it's costing me, and I consider my living off social security  in 20 years, i can't afford it.  I can't afford it now.  I can't afford it later.  I can't sell it.  I can't refinance it.  At some point this cute little house that I've worked so hard for, so hard on, just isn't worth it. But how do I know when that point is?  AND how do I convince my perfect credit score ego that it's ok to walk away? Is it ok?  I break out in hives if I even think I might be late for anything, even paying a bill.

So now what?  Do I just keep making art and having a good time?  I'm not willing to work for another company I don't like just to pay the bills.  It makes me feel like a hypocrite.  Not to mention the lack actual jobs available that I qualify for.

I ask again, now what?  My conclusion for today?  Put my hope in art! Live simply. Live day to day. Love the people that matter to me and work hard at what I love. Try to stay focused on the goal.  The goal? To make a living by creating.  To make a simple, happy, creative, hopeful living.  So here's to Art!  Prost!