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Monday, November 8, 2010

It's Monday and I don't have a Job!

I've waited a long time for this day. Monday morning when I don't have to go to an office that makes me feel like puking. I was actually laid off Oct. 4th, about 18 hours before I flew off to Japan for a month. But this is my first Monday back unemployed.

I've actually been surprised and the gamut of emotions I've had about being laid off. Ultimately I believe my lay off was less about not having work for me (tho i dont think there was work for me) and more about not fitting in. From day two at that office I felt like I didnt' belong. But I thought it was just me. That there was something wrong with me. That i wasn't smart enough or fast enough. So I did what I could to survive there. for 5 years. 5 long years. well to be fair it was 4 years 11 months and 4 days. but who's counting.

I often felt like I was in a bad marriage. trapped by bills and social norms. I had day dreams of walking out. quitting or getting fired for asking the wrong questions. but i didn't. because i'm responsible. and didn't want the kitties to starve. I need counseling for my bad marriage and my bad job relationship.

So here i sit, still on Japan time, drinking tea. I am making a list of all those household chores I didn't have time for. Maybe a list of goals for my life and a plan to get there.

What I want for my life: To travel, paint and eat cheese. To provide for myself and my kitties. Having a little extra to do good things with. Not too much to ask for in my opinion.

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